Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
