i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
