I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
