he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
