you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ladies don't puke and tell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
