fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
