I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
