he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
