It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
