Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
