The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
