My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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