dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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