Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
