I smell stomach acid.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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