Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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