Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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