The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
