Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
