I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
