I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
