Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
