Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
