Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
