Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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