Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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