some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
