Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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