you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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