Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
