Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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