Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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