never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
