i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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