I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
