The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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