How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
