i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just gift wrapped bread.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
