addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
