He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
