I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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