I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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