You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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