nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
