I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
