Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
