just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
