Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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