i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
