i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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