I think I just saw someone hide a body.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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