you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
