I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
