I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
