u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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