stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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