Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
