I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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