I accidentally had phone sex last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
