i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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