Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
