I want to have your abortion
Jerry, you need to find god
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
