Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
