Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
