I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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