Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
