So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
