My balls are so social today.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm at about main and main street
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
