Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
