she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
