I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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