So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
