this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
