oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
as a side note pls kill me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
