i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
