What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
