i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
