Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
