THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
